sole man

I don’t have many friends to really speak of, most of the people that I used to hang with have moved to other cities, and that kind of gets to me at times. I think I drive people away sometimes because I am so quiet. It seems like people get uncomfortable when they are around someone who is not constantly running their mouths, go figure. I am always thinking about shit, internalizing life and my surroundings. I can’t stand people who have nothing to say but are always saying something.
I have a wonderful family that loves me (a wife, a son, and a daughter). But, sometimes I feel so alone. I don’t know what it is. I sometimes feel like shit is not right unless I’m buzzed off alcohol or weed. It scares me sometimes because I know that people fall off the deep end like that. My father was an alcoholic and some studies show that addiction is hereditary. I control the urges most of the time. But, I sometimes catch myself after weeks of smoking everyday. I don’t talk to my wife about shit like that because she just does not understand. I have done it so much over the years that I am somewhat of an expert at covering it up. I go home and maintain and do all of the things that I need to do as the head of my house. No one knows that I am high as hell.
I love to smoke weed. It’s like it is a part of me now. I enjoy drinking, but it is not like smoking. I don’t drink nearly as much as I smoke weed. I don’t think there is anything wrong with smoking. Through research I have come to understand that smoking weed is less damaging to one’s body than drinking or smoking tobacco. The thing is I smoke alone 95% of the time. Like I said, I don’t have many friends, never have. I do what I do alone. It’s cool most of the time but sometimes it is painful. I sometimes feel lost with no one to turn to. However, I seem to catch myself and put a hold on things before they get out of hand. I guess you could say that I am my own best friend and worst enemy, if that is possible.