sole man

I don’t have many friends to really speak of, most of the people that I used to hang with have moved to other cities, and that kind of gets to me at times. I think I drive people away sometimes because I am so quiet. It seems like people get uncomfortable when they are around someone who is not constantly running their mouths, go figure. I am always thinking about shit, internalizing life and my surroundings. I can’t stand people who have nothing to say but are always saying something.
I have a wonderful family that loves me (a wife, a son, and a daughter). But, sometimes I feel so alone. I don’t know what it is. I sometimes feel like shit is not right unless I’m buzzed off alcohol or weed. It scares me sometimes because I know that people fall off the deep end like that. My father was an alcoholic and some studies show that addiction is hereditary. I control the urges most of the time. But, I sometimes catch myself after weeks of smoking everyday. I don’t talk to my wife about shit like that because she just does not understand. I have done it so much over the years that I am somewhat of an expert at covering it up. I go home and maintain and do all of the things that I need to do as the head of my house. No one knows that I am high as hell.
I love to smoke weed. It’s like it is a part of me now. I enjoy drinking, but it is not like smoking. I don’t drink nearly as much as I smoke weed. I don’t think there is anything wrong with smoking. Through research I have come to understand that smoking weed is less damaging to one’s body than drinking or smoking tobacco. The thing is I smoke alone 95% of the time. Like I said, I don’t have many friends, never have. I do what I do alone. It’s cool most of the time but sometimes it is painful. I sometimes feel lost with no one to turn to. However, I seem to catch myself and put a hold on things before they get out of hand. I guess you could say that I am my own best friend and worst enemy, if that is possible.

untitled (late 90s)

Life is love, and love is life.
Through all of the stress, strain, and strife.
Some walk while some run.
Some are just beginning while some are just about done.
Some are rich while others are poor.
Some are satisfied, and some want more.
Some know the road to paradise.
Some don’t know if they are men or mice.
When you approach that fork in the street,
will you know which path to beat?
Left or right, day or night?
Are you at peace, or do you like to fight?
The questions of life we forever ponder.
Some think they have the answers, while others gaze and wander.
But if you stay strong and stop complaining and whining,
your grey cloud just might reveal its silver lining.

erotic (late 90s)

I could see it in her eyes.
She wanted me to climb between her creamy thighs and exercise my manhood.
Just to think of it makes me rise…
Can you imagine her surprise when she came to realize?
That I was just a little bigger than the average _ _ _ _ _ _.
I figured that she would appreciate the stroke that I demonstrate-
Missionary to back shot, I point my joint to blow the spot, make it hot,
Prolong her shot, it’s a trip to think of how loud and wet she got…
Now here I go, I’m about to close the show.
Her wide-eyed look let me know, that she could feel me grow.
And so, I proceeded to give in to what was needed.
To release my inner build-up.
It had been so long, both sides were filled up.
So, can you imagine our reaction?
Her satisfaction and my ultimate “relaxion”
She started to talk, but from me not a peep.
I had fallen into a deep coma like sleep.
Peace-

Sometimes I Don't Like Being A Rock ('06)

Sometimes I don’t like being a rock
It gets really rough at times
I have to stay calm and collective and put on s positive face
I am a calm, cool, positive person
But, sometimes I just want to break down and let it all out
All of the shit from my childhood to the present;
Life has not been easy
All of the hurt pain disappointment fear embarrassment
Anxiety worry and doubt that comes with being me
I sometimes wish that I could cry
I used to cry…and it would make me feel better
The release was therapeutic
I don’t cry anymore
I can honestly say that I can not recall the last time I cried…
It has been years
I could not even cry at my grandmother’s funeral
I held it in, not that I felt that there was anything wrong with crying at that time,
But it just would not come out
But I digress
Sometimes I don’t like being a rock
But I am the rock in my family
When things go wrong, when shit don’t work, when someone is ill, when money is short,
When bill collectors are calling for loot, when cars break down,
When we don’t have what we feel we should, when my wife is freaking the fuck out over
Any and all of the aforementioned…I am the rock
I am the one who knows that everything will work out (and I do know that)
I bring peace and calm to the storm
On the outside, I am one cool mutha fucka
On the inside, I sometimes feel like I’m going to explode
But I don’t, I just internalize and cope
I used to smoke a lot of herb to “help ease the pressure”
I found that smoking herb in those situations did not always help
I found myself smoking more and more
I could not get high enough
I would usually end up plunging into these depression driven herb binges
That would go on for days…
Or until the sacks were gone…
It was a good thing that no one knew, and I always pulled myself out of the funk
I guess I am lucky to have some kind of self-awareness alarm
The voice inside my head would start talking at the right time:
“Say…mutha fucka, don’t you think you smoked enough for now?
You been gett’in high every day for a week, most times you blow
two or three sweets a day. Get your shit together and deal with
your situations…Nigga you got people depending on you!”
I would go home and look into the eyes of my queen and my seeds and remember that I was a rock
Sometimes I don’t like being a rock
Sometimes it is hard as hell being a rock (pardon the pun)
But, if life were always easy would it be worth it?
And then I think about the alternative…
Fuck that shit, life is hard at times but I love it
In reality, this is what I was built for
This is part of what the old dude in the sky put me here for
I gotta be a rock or shit will fall apart…I will fall apart
Sometimes I don’t like being a rock
But, I am what I am…

let's

let’s climb a tree and tongue kiss on a limb
let’s fly to London for fish n chips on a whim
let’s skinny dip in a public pool
let’s drink a bottle of gin and act a fool
let’s rent a limo and ride across the street
let’s go to the North Pole in search of heat
let’s fish for tuna in the Dead Sea
let’s sit in the sun and sip hot tea
let’s stay home and make love all day
let’s wear our goose down coats in the month of May
let’s lie in the grass and count the stars
let’s build a rocket and fly to Mars
let’s turn off the lights and eat dinner in the dark
let’s roll a few sweets and then spark

can't you see? (late 90s)

the outside is cool
the inside is crying
his is so full of life
in fact he is dieing

copulate (late 90s)

let me stand next to your pussy
i can tell that you keep it neat
one bite and i can smell
you think salt is sugar sweet
you blind me with your juices
i dive deep to tap that well
i try hard to get to know you
but hell is just plain hell
then i add a little heaven
when i make those lips unfold
and the lava flows down the mountain
between the sea and the sky we dwell
like water and oil we mix
it is sometimes quite tasty
come, let's get a fix...